The same could also be said for those who experience joint or muscle discomfort, even without a diagnosis for one the various types of arthritis.

Sex and arthritis tips from someone with chronic pain

In some cases, the anxiety stemming from simply thinking how uncomfortable things could be can be enough to pour ice water on the very idea of being sexual.

Another huge challenge regarding sex and arthritis is that often joint pain sufferers face diminished mobility. 

In severe cases, even if the pain can be managed, there’s still the problem of not being able to use your body in a pleasingly sexual way.

While this certainly sounds very doom and gloom, and as someone who experiences quite a bit of physical discomfort on a daily basis, I know how depressing it can be.

But I also know there actually a few options to consider when it comes to trying to take the pain out of sex.

RELATED READ: Men, Sex, and Getting Older: Your Emotional Toolkit for Enjoying Sex As You Age

Get to know your body

First and foremost, consult with your doctor about your joint pain symptoms: the severity, to be certain, but also the frequency and if there is anything you’ve found that either aggravates or alleviates your discomfort.

That last part can definitely be tricky, as our bodies and the lives we surround them with are exceeding complex. 

Between sleep hygiene, genetics, diet, medications, physical activity (or lack of), how our bodies change as we get older, stress, and other factors, pinning down what makes things better or worse can be pretty daunting.

Talking with an expert about sex and arthritis can help. But even the most degreed professional still needs data before they can offer any possible solutions. Fortunately, we live in the Age of Information, so maintaining a health journal isn’t as difficult as it used to be.

Even so, finding what works for you will more than likely require a lot of unpleasant trials and errors until you and your doctor can even come close to working out an effective way for you to cope with mobility or pain issues.

Using the power of your mind

Personally, I’ve discovered that changing my mindset around my physical existence can help when it comes to pain. 

Not that I don’t try to regularly exercise, watch my diet, or—and this is a biggie as I spend an inordinate amount of time staring at a screen—my work posture.

Specifically, however, what has helped tremendously has been accepting joint discomfort and limited mobility as part of how my body has changed instead of something to be denied, resented, or get frustrated with.  

This has been neither simple nor easy. It’s been even more challenging in regards to sex and arthritis.

Falling back on that clichéd but still apt turn-of-phrase: in “the heat of passion” I’m painfully reminded of what I just can’t do anymore.

But I have found that, along with talking with my doctor, my therapist, and taking prescribed medication, communication with my partners can be critical in mentally processing any physical discomfort.

In essence, it’s become self-empowering to try and be as upfront as I can about any pain issues I might be experiencing, as well as about what my body simply can’t do anymore. 

Toward that, it’s been helpful to add it to my pre-play negotiation, right along with my Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) status, turn-ons, turn-offs, aftercare, and chronic depression. 

This can definitely be challenging in its own right. Yet as with conditions like depression, I’ve found that avoiding such discussions often results in uncomfortable, if not outright painful, experiences.  

Physical solutions to physical challenges

Pulse Duo Lux Review: Seniors May Love This Hands-free Couples’ Toy That Needs No Erection  

That’s the mind, but what about the body? 

Before trying anything to hopefully diminish sex and arthritis pains, always consult with your doctor. The one thing you never want to do is make things possibly worse by trying to make them better.

Afterward, though, there are some options to consider. 

Exercise designed specifically for those with joint concerns and limited mobility, changes in diet, practices such as yoga, hot and cold treatments, acupuncture or massage, and suitable medications all have been reported to have helped people with chronic pain. 

Again, this is individualistic but, trying one method and then another until you find out what does work for you is part of the process.

In regards to sex, another benefit of living in the Age of Information is all the wonderfully sophisticated, and erotically stimulating, sextech hardware we have at our disposal. 

For example, the Pulse Duo Lux from Hot Octopuss has been designed with mobility concerns in mind.  

As with that product, quite a few others also offer hands-free control options.  Or, if not completely free then simplified: allowing a user to easily operate what might otherwise be uncomfortably complex controls. 

A few manufacturers even offer voice support, which can be a huge benefit for anyone with mobility challenges of almost any sort.

A much less high-tech solution could be to put some effort into making your living—and sexual activity—space much more in tune with your physical limitations.  

Fortunately, there is a growing range of assistive sex tech entering the market.

The brand Liberator offers various supportive sex wedges and customizable sex furniture.

Other sexual lifestyle retailers such as Sportsheets sell supportive posture collars, slings, and other assistive accessories and equipment.

As with trying out new positions, diets, exercises, and medications, it will take a bit of time to work out how to suitably rearrange your environment, but the end can more than justify any money spent.

Returning to the mind

Pain is, without fail, a function of our bodies.

Though a great deal of how we might potentially cope with it still remains within our consciousnesses. 

Not that anyone has ever overcome something as debilitating as arthritis—or so many other frequently excruciating physical conditions—through willpower alone. But working on altering our attitudes as hard as we focus on finding physical solutions can often be a tremendous help.

To put it another way, as an arthritis sufferer, determining what might take only a small amount of pain out of your sex life will probably take more errors than successes. 

So by having a kind, supportive, and loving attitude toward yourself and the brave battle you’re fighting, when things don’t work out you’ll feel much more willing to keep at it.

This will help you stay on track to managing your chronic pain and enjoying sexual pleasure.

Image credits: Shutterstock, Hot Octopuss, Oscar Miron

Speaking personally, what’s made this difficult hasn’t been the physical signs of aging—although I’ve had more than my fair share lately—but that, in my mind, I’m still as young as I’ve always felt.  

Reality hits when I try to navigate the world as I’ve always done, including sexually. 

As someone sporting penis-and-testicle genitalia, I can go from considering myself a sexual person to someone who might as well be—and please excuse the dramatics—already dead.

This emotionally jarring break between mind and body commonly triggers depression over lost youth and impending mortality.

But this doesn’t have to be the case, because, while it will no doubt be a rough road at times, aging doesn’t have to be the end but rather a new sexual beginning. 

Over the years, I have assembled what has become an essential emotional toolkit to help me deal—and even look forward to getting older.

Freedom from erections

One of my best approaches has been actively trying to reframe my sexuality from overly focusing on erections. 

Easier said than done, right?  

Well, you certainly got that right since the ability to achieve and maintain an erection is still too-commonly the measure of a man’s sexuality. 

So much so that when they become more and more difficult to achieve it can feel like—going back to being overly dramatic—another nail in a man’s sexual coffin.  

But it has also been wonderfully liberating.  

Like so many others, when I was younger erections were ruthlessly expected by myself as well as many of my partners, to the point that I began to look at sex as something less to be enjoyed and more to successfully accomplish.

Getting older, though, the grey in my beard has granted me a kind of get-out-of-impotence-free-card: that always having and keeping an erection is no longer expected—and when it does occur it’s kind of a special bonus.

To be fair, this shift of attitude has perhaps been a little easier for me, as I’ve always preferred other forms of sexual activity over penetrative play.  

Still, developing this part of my aging toolkit has had its ups and downs over the years.

What I’m trying to say is that changing my perspective in regards to erections and sex, embracing rather than uselessly fighting a battle I physiologically can’t win, has helped me process my changing body as I get older.

That special little pill

No discussion of erections and aging wouldn be a good one without bringing up that was once called the “little blue pill.” Although these days Sildenafil, what was once called Viagra, doesn’t only come in that particular color.

To share my story once again, using this medication has been an interesting, and sometimes even a great, experience.  

Before touching on the effects, it’s important to address the metaphorical bulging erection in the room: using something like Sildenafil can be much easier than actually screwing up the courage to ask your doctor for a prescription.

So even though it might be embarrassing, do discuss your concerns and situation with your doctor. Do it not only so you may receive a script for Sildenafil, but also to rule out other important health issues that could at first appear to be erectile dysfunction. 

Embracing new options and possibilities

If I could use a word to describe my use of that medication I would say liberating: for the first time I was free from the worry of losing focus, and therefore my erection, and so I had a much better time with partner sex.

But this little pill isn’t the only liberating thing to consider as one gets older.  

As we are, after all, living in the amazing world of 2020 there are technological opportunities as well.

Sex tech companies are now branching out with sex toys designed for seniors in mind, specifically allowing the dexterity challenged to use them for sexual stimulation.  

Even without being uniquely designed for seniors, many other manufacturers are now offering devices that don’t just help but can actually enhance sexual activities.  

The end result is that, as with that little pill, sex can relax away from being focused on erections and on the pressure to perform, and into a much more enjoyable and fulfilling approach to expressing your sexuality as you get older.

The importance of changing perspective

These have been just a few of the tools in my getting-older toolbox. But rather than trying to squeeze in any others, instead, I want to toss the subject over to you.

After all, if you’re reading this either you or someone you care about is approaching this stage of life. That being so, there’s a big question to ask: where to go from here?

Because, when you think about it, for the penis-equipped there’s really only two ways to go: becoming more and more aggravated and despondent by focusing on what you can’t do anymore, or shifting how you think about getting older to see it as having endless opportunities for sexual experimentation—with the major plus of no longer being yoked to the myth that sex is always about erections.

So the decision is there.  But even if you go with the more optimistic path, remember that figuring out it all out, what works and what doesn’t and how to best reframe your consciousness around getting older, it won’t necessarily be an easy one.

But that’s what life’s about: taking what it gives you, learning and growing as a person, and find your place in it.  You’ve done it before and now you’ll do it some more: with bitterness and regret or with hope and maybe even joy–it’s all up to you.

Image sources: 13107714

According to USA Today, 40% of Americans aged 65 to 80 are sexually active. There’s even better news because 73% of them report they are satisfied with their sex lives. 

One of the main sex toy brands to acknowledge and target this older demographic is Hot Octopuss, the creator of best-selling vibrators like the Pulse Solo Essential and the Queen Bee. 

Earlier this month, the company launched the Senior Sex Hub to help break the outdated stereotype of the sexless older person.

Sexy senior resource

The Senior Sex Hub was created in collaboration with Joan Price, an internationally-acclaimed author and advocate for healthy senior sexuality.

The website includes a dedicated “Dear Joan” section, where older people can ask the sexpert questions about how to overcome age-related issues in the bedroom.

The Senior Sex Hub also has a blog where topics related to sex in later life are talked about with honesty yet without taboo. Readers can expect tips about how to use sex toys for people with ageing penises and vulvas, as well as advice on erectile dysfunction, post-menopausal sex, and relationship problems. 

In addition, to help end the stigma surrounding senior sex, Hot Octopuss is inviting its older customers to submit photos of themselves in sexy poses or sexy lingerie. The brand is offering $200 for each photo it chooses to publish on the Senior Sex Hub.

Seniors buy sex toys, too

“A fifth of the toys we sell on our site are bought by customers aged 55 or over,” said Julia Margo, co-founder at Hot Octopuss.

“This, along with what I’ve learned talking to older customers and senior sex experts over the last nine years at Hot Octopuss, tells me that information and tools addressing issues such as menopause, stiff joints, and erectile dysfunction can make all the difference to an individual’s sex life as one gets older.”

Price also expressed her enthusiasm about the project.

“It’s about time that senior sex is brought out of the shadows,” she said, “and who better to do this than, in my opinion, the world’s most progressive and inclusive sex toy brand, Hot Octopuss?”

Price is the author of four top-selling books about ageless sex, including Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex and Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved.

In 2019, she also worked as a consultant on the adult film Jessica Drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex [NSFW].

On her blog, Joan has been offering honest sex toy reviews, advice, and sex-related news since 2005. Recently, she moved her career forward becoming the resident sexpert at Hot Octopuss.

To celebrate the launch of the Senior Sex Hub, Hot Octopuss is offering a 20% discount to its customers with the code “SENIOR20”.

Image sources: Hot Octopuss

At the age of 61, the renowned sex educator was inspired by a passionate love affair to write her first book on seniors having sex. Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty was released by Seal Press in 2006.       

Since then Price has not stopped advocating for better senior sex education, including a recent collaboration with performer Jessica Drake on the adult film Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex [NSFW].

Inside the world of erotic sex ed

Released in August 2019, the erotic movie is part of the popular educational series Jessica Drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex, written, produced, and directed by the award-winning actress.

The senior sex series, co-created by Price and Drake, explores the different ways aging can affect sexuality, both with a partner as well as solo. Its steamy scenes feature explicit demonstrations of sexy seniors who aren’t afraid of having passionate sex in front of the camera.

In fact, Jessica Drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex [NSFW] could be considered an answer to the popular “granny” fetish in the world of adult entertainment. It shows senior sex in its most sensual and realistic form. 

The instructional film breaks taboos in how it portrays seniors having sex, doing so without the fetishization of older women that often appears in mainstream X-rated videos. It also brings a healthy amount of diversity with it to adult entertainment, proving that having a great sex life is not just an option for young models with perfect bodies.

The titillating scenes, which feature real seniors, will likely prompt many couples over 60 to discover the pleasures of intimacy again, without having to confront themselves with images of younger performers with unattainable bodies.

The sex scenes are provocative and stimulating, and they can be seen with or without audio commentary.

Sex after 50, sex after 60, and so on…

Before joining forces with Drake, Price shared her expertise on sexuality and aging in several books and forums.

Her work has received plenty of coverage in mainstream media, where she’s been called a “wrinkly sex kitten,” “senior sexpert” and “the beautiful face of senior sex.”

After the success of Price’s first book in 2006, hundreds of seniors began asking her questions about how to keep or regain a healthy sex life. 

She runs the blog “Naked at Our Age” and the column “Sex at Our Age” on the retirement community website Senior Planet. 

This prompted Price to write an instructional book about sex over 60: Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex, published by Seal Press in 2011. 

In 2012, the book won the honor of “Outstanding Self-Help Book” from the American Society of Journalists and Authors. Additionally, it won the 2012 Book Award from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors. and Therapists.

After Naked at Our Age, Price explored the topic of senior sex further in The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life (Cleis Press, 2014) and Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Loss of Your Beloved (Mango Publishing, 2019).

The former is her most comprehensive self-help book, while the latter was inspired by the loss of her loved one in 2008. 

‘Wicked Sex’ series

Jessica Drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex series has won several awards from the most prestigious institutions in the adult entertainment industry, including AVN, XBIZ, the Feminist Porn Awards, and the NightMoves Awards.

But its success has attracted the attention of sex educators as well: Dee Dennis, the founder of the sex-positive conference CatalystCon, praised Drake as “an amazing sex educator and speaker, who represents a new direction and is breaking new ground” in the industry.

The series’ chapters tackle various sex-related topics, including fellatio, plus-size sex, basic positions, foreplay, and female masturbation. They also feature popular stars, engaging in explicit but sensual demonstrations.

*Note: This article has been revised to include corrections, including that Joan Price is 76 (not 75) and that her book “Naked at Our Age” was both nominated for and won the “Outstanding Self-Help Book” award from the American Society of Journalists and Authors in 2012.

Image sources: Wicked Pictures [NSFW], Joan Price, Rachel Kramer Bussel

The sex tech company created Rev based on feedback from focus groups held at a large retirement community in Florida called The Villages.

“Sexuality among older adults is one of the last taboos,” said Suki Dunham, co-founder of OhMiBod in an October press release.

“We wanted to develop a massager that made sexual pleasure accessible not only to this invisible group but anyone with dexterity challenges.”

To operate Rev, users slide their fingers into the device’s curved opening and then place the personal massager’s bigger end on their desired erogenous zones. According to OhMiBod, the small handle’s ergonomic design makes it a good fit for both right and left-handed people.

The Rev finger massager is turquoise in color, has a quiet yet powerful motor, and five preset pulsations. It also comes with a manual printed in a larger font size for easier reading.

It can be purchased at the Love Life Toys website for $69.

Sex is for seniors, too

Dunham founded OhMiBod in 2006 with her husband Brian. Now both in their 50s, the Dunhams released Rev to represent their perspective on sex and aging as they enter a new life stage.

“There’s a belief that the older you are, the less likely it is that you use or have a need for sex toys. That couldn’t be further from the truth,” said Dunham.

“National studies and our own focus group testing have shown that older people, particularly those who are post-menopausal or experiencing erectile dysfunction, use sex toys to keep intimacy and orgasm in play. As a result, they enjoy healthier lives and benefits ranging from improved arousal and increased brain activity to better sleep and boosted immune systems.”

Dunham also lamented the poor track record of researchers purposely excluding adults older than 59 from sexuality studies. However, the tide is beginning to change as more focus is being paid to the sexual health and erotic needs of seniors.

A 2017 poll [pdf] conducted by the University of Michigan found that 40% of adults between 65 and 80 were sexually active and 54% of respondents said sex was important to their quality of life. In total, 65% of respondents in this age group said they were still interested in sex.

Image sources: OhMiBod