For those who have attended the yearly event, if you’ve seen a woman zipping around the convention wearing glasses and riding a mobility scooter, that was probably me.

There I had the pleasure of speaking with performer and sex educator Jessica Drake about her “Guide to Wicked Sex” film series.

Part of that interview is published in an earlier article,

Yet I’d left out some candid moments and words of wisdom for a second part. Being someone with chronic fatigue, however, I’ve had some delays, so I am delighted finally to share the rest of the interview now.

Often when people see celebrities and industry leaders, there’s a tendency to think they may “have it all” and compare themselves negatively. That’s why I so greatly appreciated how Drake was very open about her own sexual journey as well as about her health issues.

On finding her sexual voice and pleasure:

“This is a little on the cliché side, but the more comfortable you get with yourself, you in turn are more confident. It’s a cycle. When you have that confidence, you’re feeling more able to express your sexuality. I’m not saying that’s how it should be, I’m just saying I think that’s how humans tend to be.

Recognizing your pleasure-based needs and figuring out a way to satisfy them, I think that’s just so important. That’s sort of what happened to me.”

On learning how to get her needs met both on and off set:

“I’m on a set, there are so many men on the set: the lighting guys and the camera people and the still photographers. Men, men, men everywhere! I’m working with a man and the man comes and everything’s done.

It was representative of a lot of things. The reality is, [what would have happened] had I not been like, ‘well, what about me?’ Had I not had that awareness just to seek out my own pleasure?

Did it begin with me masturbating in bathrooms or going home and masturbating or getting stuck in traffic and pulling a vibrator out of my purse and buzzing one out in the car? Yeah, I did all those things.

But after I did, all those things and continually became more comfortable with my body, I really started asking for what I needed within the sex scene.

With my ex-husband, once we had sex, I didn’t come, he went into the shower. I was masturbating. He wasn’t in the shower. The shower was just running and he came back into the room and it was like, “uh ahhhh!’ It taught me to ask for what I want in the moment, even if you’re asking yourself for it.”

On dealing with burnout and self-care:

“For me, it’s really been a challenge to catch burnout before it happens because usually my schedule is jam-packed and halfway through the year I’m like, ‘I’m burnt out.’ But I have so many obligations I can’t stop.

So for me, self-care has looked like saying ‘I can’t take that job. I can’t work X number of days here because if I do, that’s going to be like 20, 25 days in a row, and that makes me not a great person at the end of all of that.

Self-care also looks like therapy. I’m a super fan of therapy. Sometimes self-care is indulging yourself in a bath and chocolate and other times it’s sitting down with your accountant to do your taxes because you’re going to feel way better when it’s done.

It’s really important to recognize things that we do for self-care that are necessary and then things that we do for self-care that just make us feel good, equally important.”

RELATED READ: Jessica Drake Plans ‘Senior Sex’ Sequel and Disability-themed Film for Sex Ed Series

On being proactive with her health:

“I have had for a really long time an immune system issue and I’m super anemic. We’re really trying to get to the bottom of that. I have an absorption issue, so I’m actually infused with iron every two weeks. But I’ve been really adamant about being an advocate for better medical care for myself.

I am fortunate to have health insurance. It’s one of the things that I negotiated with my contract with Wicked Pictures as a performer. It was just important to me. I knew I needed health insurance, so we made it a part of my deal. So self-care looks like that, too.”

On firing her doctor and getting better:

“I had a really dismissive general physician and throughout this, he would give me advice instead of treatment or referrals. I think he was just not listening to me.

For years, I let that continue to happen and that’s why we’ve gotten to this point because he was never proactive about it. I would tell him I’m experiencing heart palpitations or these symptoms and he’s like, ‘Oh, you’re stressed out with anxiety.’

I got really frustrated and I also kept getting really, really sick. I think three AVN’s ago I got sick here at the show and was running 105 degrees. I had to go to the hospital here. I got stuck [in Las Vegas] for a week. I had pneumonia, but it kept happening.

I kept getting massively sick like that. Finally, I went to an urgent care at my insurance place. I had a new doctor come in and she was like, what’s going on here? And she went through my chart and was just looking at all the things and the repeat visits and everything that kept reoccurring.

She sent me to get a lot of testing. She was the doctor that read my results before she passed them along. She started ordering treatment. I then fired the other doctor.

A lot of the time when you’re sick or when you’re going through stuff, we tend to listen to doctors because we think they know. But this person did not and they were super dismissive. So I got somebody else and it’s worked very well for me. I’m way closer to being healthy now. “

*Interview edited and condensed for length and clarity.

Image credits: Wicked Pictures [NSFW]

Toneisha Friday co-founded Blex Technologies last year. She was living in Singapore at the time and having intimacy issues with her partner who was 13,000 miles away in Seattle. 

“We wanted a therapist of color, and that proved difficult to find,” Friday says. 

“We needed a relationship coach or therapist to help us—while we were living apart from each other—find that spark.”

‘strengthening melanated sex and intimacy’

Not to be deterred and inspired for something more, the young couple used their dismay to create what became the iOS and Android-available Blex app.

Their initial goal was to curate and highlight a community of Black sex and relationship educators on a platform meant for coaching.

“We have an editorial team that creates blog content, and our robust training methods highlight a non-judgemental approach to education, exploration, and curiosity—‘sexing the way you want to sex,’ ultimately,” Friday says.

Blex Technologies trains its already-experienced team of relationship and dating coaches to fine-tune their skills in solving physical, psychological, or emotional issues with a progressive mindset. 

How it works

The Blex app is a for-pay service charged monthly, with fees going directly to pay for the app’s development, plus for the work of ten coaches (nine, of whom are Black) for services rendered. 

The app’s monthly fees range anywhere from $100 to $200 per month, split over three unique tiers of service that include anywhere from two to six relationship or sexual health coaching sessions, plus other available real-time and digital services.

After downloading and signing up for the app, users must fill out a small survey that asks users why they downloaded the app.

The company’s Chief Operations Officer also tracks the most trafficked content and then tailors information toward how Blex is best serving its users and how can they help them better.

Early app growth amid COVID-19, has been measured but slow.

Friday counts 300 regular users-to-date. Having a sample size so small within a product’s first year of development does. however, allow for profound realizations to emerge from a hyper-focused sample.

Initial reports show excitement surrounding the Blex app’s Community Message Board Forum. 

It’s there where users can ask simpler, less therapy or consultation-related questions to both coaches and fellow users alike about methods of sexual communication to their partners, or just sex questions in general. 

‘an ecosystem of solutions’

As well, the key to Blex’s early sustainability has been satisfying the niche, specific desires of its established sample of users. Thus, the development of Blex’s curated device and aid “sex kit” box service has been essential.

“Overall, Blex Technologies is an ecosystem of solutions. For as much as we have the app, we also realized we needed a tangible option,” Friday relates. 

“We can tell someone about the mental health benefits of masturbation, but many Black people feel like these items are not specifically made with Black sexual anatomies in mind. We identify companies that make premium products with an ethos that supports people of color.”

Friday’s thoughts head one level more profound with a poignant, positive note to close:

”These companies all must use ingredients that are body-positive for Black bodies. We want people to feel good about and while having a premium nut.”

Overall, Toneisha Friday sees Blex’s goals as an app and company as having far-reaching and deeply culturally-impacting possibilities. 

“Systemic racism and classism have led to a lack of significant sex education in low-income and Black communities. Moreover, sex education in America is still a taboo topic that’s not a mandated part of our lives. However, Black people’s attitudes are evolving towards sex and sexuality. Ultimately, Blex provides and friendly and positive avenue for exploring the present and future of sex as a topic of interest with good intentions.”

Image credits: Shutterstock, Blex Technologies

For people with vaginas, vulvar pain, in particular, is both prevalent and misunderstood. 

I’m familiar with the confusion surrounding persistent vulvar pain because I experienced it for three years without a diagnosis. During that time, I scoured the Internet for clues about what might be causing my discomfort, largely to no avail. 

Finally, after a year of intensive visits to gynecologists and various specialists, I was eventually diagnosed with vulvodynia.

What is vulvodynia?

Vulvodynia is defined as chronic pain of any kind around the opening of the vagina that does not have an identifiable cause and lasts for at least three months. The condition affects roughly 16% of people who have vaginas in the U.S. at some point in their lives. 

Types of vulvodynia

Vulvodynia can be diagnosed more specifically based on the location and cause of pain. A diagnosis of either localized or generalized vulvodynia will be made depending on where the discomfort occurs in the vulva. 

Localized vulvodynia

Localized vulvodynia is pain that is confined to one area of the vulva. There are two predominant locations for localized vulvodynia: the clitoris and also the vestibule, which is the tissue surrounding the vaginal opening. 

Vestibulodynia, formerly known as vulvar vestibulitis syndrome (VVS), causes pain in the area around the vaginal opening called the vestibule. This form of vulvar pain does not include the clitoris or the anus. 

The most common form of vestibulodynia is called provoked vestibulodynia (PVD) and is diagnosed when pain occurs during or after pressure is applied to the vestibule.

There are two types of PVD, referred to in the medical community as either primary or secondary.

Primary PVD is when vestibular pain occurs upon the first attempt of vaginal penetration. On the other hand, a diagnosis of secondary PVD is made when pain-free intercourse was possible before the development of vestibular pain. 

Generalized vulvodynia

Generalized vulvodynia, on the other hand, is characterized by pain that occurs spontaneously and somewhat constantly on various parts of the vulva. The pain is often described as a persistent burning in the vulva. 

What causes vulvodynia?

Doctors are unsure about the direct causes of vulvodynia. Research shows that there are many possible contributing factors, including nerve damage, allergies, hormonal changes, muscle spasm in the pelvic floor, and a history of vaginal infections.

How is vulvodynia diagnosed?

Unlike diseases or infections that can be detected using lab tests, vulvodynia can only be diagnosed through a process of elimination. 

To reach the proper diagnosis, your health care provider should ask questions about your medical, surgical, and sexual history and may take swabs and perform a pelvic exam to rule out other possible causes. 

Once a diagnosis has been made, it is important to work closely with your health care provider to find the best treatment option for you.

What is the best treatment for vulvodynia?

There is no established cure for vulvodynia because its causes and effects vary so widely from one person to the next. Finding the right treatment option may be a long process because of the difficulty of locating the cause of the condition. However, having the best combination of treatments can greatly reduce vulvar pain symptoms. 

Possible vulvodynia treatments include medication, biofeedback therapy, local anesthetics, nerve blocks, pelvic floor physical therapy, and, in rare cases, surgery. 

Your health care professional may also recommend counseling, as vulvodynia is linked to a higher rate of depression and sexual dysfunction. Seeing a counselor can help people learn how to cope or manage vulvodynia symptoms and increase their overall quality of life. 

Home remedies for vulvar pain

Some people find that adding home remedies to their treatment plans helps further alleviate symptoms. For vulvar pain management, doctors recommend cold compresses or gel packs. Using lubrication during sexual activity can also help reduce irritation.  

Taking a sitz bath can also temporarily reduce vulvodynia symptoms. A sitz bath is a shallow, warm bath that cleans and can soothe the perineum, which is the area between the vulva and the anus. Although it is possible to give yourself a sitz bath in a bathtub, you can also buy a sitz bath kit that fits over the toilet. 

To prevent flare-ups of vulvar pain, it is best to avoid tightfitting underwear and pantyhose, hot tubs and soaking in hot baths, scented tampons or pads, and activities that put pressure on the vulva. 

Relief is possible

Again, there is no one “cure” for vulvodynia. However, with the right treatment plan, it is possible to experience relief from vulvodynia symptoms.

If you want to learn more about my journey from chronic vulvar pain to diagnosis and eventually to pain relief, read my article at FutureofSex.net “Vulvodynia: My 3-Year Journey to Diagnosis and Relief from Chronic Genital Pain.”  

This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice from a licensed physician or other health professionals.

Image sources: Timothy Meinberg, Alex B. Porter

So thank you, Hot Octopuss, for making my first sex toy review at Sex for Every Body possible!

Here, I’ll offer my thoughts on the design and function of the Amo bullet vibrator. I plan to give an overview of why I personally enjoyed using the device and who else might like the upscale bullet vibe.

(Note: This article contains affiliate links, meaning Sex for Every Body may receive a small commission if you buy a Hot Octopuss product. )

Pain and pleasure

First, I think it’s important to share that I am a cis-gendered woman who experiences pudendal neuralgia, which is a chronic pain condition affecting the genitals, rectum, and perineum.

Part of my underlying issue stems from tight pelvic floor muscles. So naturally, I’m a fan of activities and items that can provide relief, like baths, yoga, and the tried-and-true bullet vibrator!

Since vulvar massage and masturbation encourage blood flow to the genitals, many external sex toys can help relax tight pelvic floor muscles. Personally, I’ve found this to be the case for most vibrators I’ve tried, and I’ve tried a good many! It’s also why I generally prefer sex toys for “outercourse” rather than those designed for penetration.

What I wasn’t expecting was for Amo, a bullet vibrator, to impress me so much in terms of its power and precision.

Te amo, Amo

If you’ve read my sex toy reviews at Future of Sex, you’ll know I’m a fan of strong and rumbly wand vibrators. And while Amo is not as powerful as my favorite wand, it definitely packs a strong enough motor to be a serious contender on my nightstand. It also provides the option of softer vibrations.

Costing US$49, Amo also stands out from other bullet vibrators I’ve tried, offering a choice between pinpoint and broad vibrations. One side, its silicone tip features a soft yet distinct edge, which helps deliver pleasant sensation precisely where you want it.

Flip it over to use the rounded side, which delivers broader vibrations

Amo’s soft contoured edge, however, is my favourite! Gently pressing it around the vulva makes for a great and precise massage that no dome-headed wand could provide.

I tested out Amo for solo use. But, Hot Octopuss says it’s also designed to sit between the legs during penetrative sex to stimulate the clitoris.

Ease of use

As someone with decent vision who hates reading instructions, I appreciated how Amo’s instructions were given in a series of as simple to understand visuals.

However, as someone with weak hand strength, the on/off button presented a bit of a challenge for me at first. (This is not an uncommon issue I encounter with sex toys, by the way.)

Located near the base of the bullet vibe, the on/off button must be pressed for at least two seconds to power it on or off. Quicker presses of the button will cycle you through Amo’s five vibration patterns. The quick presses were much easier for me to do.

On the opposite side of Amo are the plus and minus buttons that control the intensity of the vibrations. Amo was responsive to my quick presses and required less strength than turning on/off the device.

Made from ABS plastic and silicone, Amo weighs 43 grams, which is less than half the weight of a standard deck of cards.

It can for up to 40 minutes and takes between two and three hours to charge.

My final thoughts

Like I said above, I’m impressed with this vibrator’s design. It truly acted like a personal massager in targeting tight areas and soothing my pelvic pain.

From a simple pleasure standpoint, Amo delivered. The silicone end also warmed up nicely after a few minutes of use.

I think most people who like external sex toys and bullet vibes would enjoy Amo. If you are in the market for a high-quality bullet vibrator, the US$49 could very well be worth it.

If you have gripping issues, on the other hand, you may prefer the wearable DiGiT finger vibrator from Hot Octopuss.

It’s similar in design to Amo, but with a more rounded tip and ring-like curves that slip over two fingers. Designed to look and feel like jewelry, it is also 15 grams heavier than Amo and costs US$10 more at US$59.

Note, that I have not tested DiGiT, so I can’t vouch for it personally. And I’m sold on Amo’s precision tip!

Thanks for reading my review of Amo! If you have any questions or feedback, please let me know in the comments section below.

Images: Hot Octopuss

Perhaps it is no surprise then that Canadian women with disabilities suffer poorer gynecological health and receive less preventative screening, according to a 2016 study.

Facing findings

I recently listened to an episode of CBC Radio’s White Coat, Black Art that explores how the sexual health needs of Canadian women with disabilities suffer as a result of improper training and equipment.

Jocelyn Maffin, a woman paralyzed from the belly button down, spoke about her experience in the healthcare system as she underwent puberty and grew into a sexually active adult.

At age 14, Maffin learned about menstruation, but not about STIs and contraception.

I wasn’t on birth control. The HPV vaccine had come out and I didn’t get it. All of those conversations my peers were having with their physicians, I was pretty oblivious about and those conversations weren’t happening when I saw my own doctors.

It wasn’t until I was over 30 that I was helping with a sexual health resource for people with spinal cord injuries and I realized there were whole conversations here that young people, I think particularly with conditions from childhood, just weren’t having with their physicians.

What needs fixing

Maffin’s story shows there’s a lot of work to be done in order to provide more accessible sexual health services. I encourage you to listen to the full radio interview.

Fortunately, Maffin eventually found BC Women’s Access Clinic, a gynecological clinic based in Vancouver that specializes in the needs of women with disabilities. The program also interviewed nurse practitioner Natasha Prodan-Bhalla from the health centre.

Both women highlighted problems that must be addressed to make sexual health a top priority when treating ALL women in Canada:

• Poor availability of transit services to clinics and hospitals
• Mammogram machines often do not lower to wheelchair level and require two aids to hold up a patient
• Patient rooms lack lifts to take a patient from a wheelchair to exam bed
• Small patient rooms and narrow hallways and doors
• Not all patients can use stirrups often used for gynecological exams
• People with disabilities are sometimes not viewed as full human beings
• People with disabilities are seen as asexual
• Healthcare staff may avoid sexual health topics out of fear, likely caused by a lack of training and lack of assistive medical equipment available in clinics
• Doctors not able to give enough time to address all the needs of people with complex medical conditions, so sexual health is often overlooked

What else needs to be addressed so people with disabilities receive appropriate sexual and reproductive healthcare?

Image: ShutterStock Standard License